May 11, 2021

 

I hear a lot of people talk about how well they are doing, how they are making it, crushing it and all their accomplishments. While I love seeing success, I think it gives us the wrong impression about what your life is supposed to look like. It is not just about all those successes and those moments where you can brag to your friends.

It is about those crappy moments, the moments where you realized that you screwed up or someone else screwed with you.

It is not about feeling happy all the time. It is about feeling your real emotions and acknowledging them because guess what, they are fucking real.

Far too often we make this crazy comparison in our head. We listen to those people who have made it and they can talk to us about all the times they fucked up but it just does not sink in because they have made it and we don’t want to hear from those who have not made it because we want to know that we can be successful. We get stuck in this stupid impasse where we just go back and fourth.

Another thing is that I do not think that we need to have it all figured out. No one does. No one no matter how successful they are has it all figured out. Everyone gets nervous. Everyone feels uncomfortable. Everyone has fears. Way too many people talk about being fearless but in reality being fearless just means you do nothing that scares you and is that really living?

I dunno. I hate to sound like I am preaching and really this is all for me. It is a way for me to get out what I am feeling. A way for me to process what I want to do and what I am thinking and how I will get past it.

The truth is, I do not have it all figured out. I still feel unworthy when I look at what others have accomplished. I do not feel like I am enough and constantly feel like I need to prove myself. I feel like I am awkward and uncomfortable around most people. I do not feel like I relate to most people. Yet I have an amazing group of close friends that I would not trade for anything.

We hear a lot about people saying that you should work as hard as you can when you are young so you can retire early, but the biggest pitfall of this thinking is that the future is not guaranteed. I lost a friend four years ago before she was 35. The future is not guaranteed so just be sure that all that work you are doing is for you and not because someone told you to and be sure to enjoy the small moments.

I have also struggled to get so many of my ideas off the ground. Yes believe it or not I am going to admit that I have failed and that I am not perfect right here on the glorious wide web.

Why is this? Honestly I am not 100% sure and I am guessing if I did, I would actually have solved this problem already. Here are a few of my ideas.

·         I do not make time to actually accomplish any of these things. This could be a big one

·         I am not clear on what I actually want. I let too many other things get in my way and think I want what I really do not want.

·         I spend too much time thinking, contemplating, mulling, analyzing, researching…well you get the point.

So many of us want to ne known for something, we want to teach the world something but when was the last time we sat back and listened?

My other hope in writing all of this is that I make other people feel less alone, less like a failure and know that no one has it all figured out. That life is not this neat little path but a chaotic and glorious mess that you need to walk into.